How does one come to love another?

..and how does one feel loved by or communicate love to another?

I just watched the movie Rain Man, which stars Tom Cruise (Charlie) and Dustin Hoffman (Raymond). After twenty-something years, Charlie finds out that he has an older brother, Raymond, who's autistic. For the chance of getting some of the 3 million dollars inherited to his brother, Charlie takes Raymond to LA with him; they drive across the country, from Cincinnati to LA because Raymond is afraid of flying. During the six days of driving, they go through an endless series of incidents that drive Charlie crazy, but in the end, the movies shows that they have bonded throughout it all and that Charlie really cares for his brother.

I've always been a firm believer in that a strong, close relationship cannot be maintained without good verbal communication, especially when it comes down to romantic relationships. But the movie has reminded me of that there are so many other factors to a strong caring relationship. And of course, there are so many different ways to communicate the feelings for the other person other than words. The two most touching parts were when Charlie was eating cheeseballs with a tooth pick (Raymond's main utensil is toothpicks) and when Raymond called him his "main man" (whom he can trust and rely on).

The movie shows a number of the other examples of two very different people growing more acquainted with each other in their relationship and how they communicate that they care in non-verbal ways. Because of his autism, Raymond must stick to a routine: must go to bed by 11pm; must have his bed by the window; must watch a certain TV show; must eat pancakes on Tuesdays with maple syrup on the table before the pancakes come. Obviously all of this drives Charlie absolutely nuts, thinking it is all BS, but as they spend more time together, he happily does everything to keep his brother calm and happy. Raymond learns to actually stop talking when Charlies tells him so and also not be afraid of his hugs (touching can be extremely upsetting to autistic people).

This is why I find relationships fascinating. I love observing and analyzing relationships because it reveals so much of the subtle, sophisticated dimensions of interpersonal communication and I find it beautiful.